I was discussing the phrase "Ajaban L'Helm'Allah" with my cousins. I got the phrase from my Father [Soon we will link to Wisdom of my Daddy, the
subversive], so I
don't know if it is
correct Arabic. One cousin disagreed with the definition. "Helm?" He said. "That's not Arabic for "patience!" That means "Milk"!"
Holy Cow! This led to much hilarity. "Isn't God's Milk Amazing?!" and of course, "God Milk?" And then we considered how to get the Milk of God, which led to visualization
of milking some angelic
creature, with multiple
udders, or alternatively,
one GIANT nipple to
squeeze. But then, why would you have to go through such primitive, feminine, animal means
to obtain the mythic,
divine milk? Surely godly milk and honey is packaged in more appropriate ways.
After I posted this, I got an update on the Milk definition controversy: This
email in from "Hossein". He says, "On the conversation you had with your cousin defining the word "helm", he mistakenly translates the word to milk. The correct word for milk in Arabic
is "Laban." "Helm" like you stated means patience or "Fat Camel" in the Arabic dictionary."
That's much better. "Isn't God's Fat Camel Amazing?"
Who are you calling a Fat Camel?
Alas, This reminds me of a crude joke (warning: bad language ahead) my Daddy (there he is again!) once told about a kid from
Kansas
on his
first
trip
to a city
grocery
store. He asks for milk and the clerk gives him a milk jug. He exclaims "No tits to pull, no hay to pitch, just pop the top off that son of a bee-"
Shocking, Sacreligious, Blasphemous thoughts!
FYI, In Islam God does not have a corporeal form. Neither does he Beget, nor is he Begotten. In Christianity Jesus is God incarnate and his only begotten son, (but no mammaries),
and if
you don’t believe the begotten part, you don’t go to heaven.
Also, in Christianity there have been instances of robed spirit beings and a
throne
room in
heaven
with robed
beings. In the Old Testament (Judaism) we have an instance of Moses witnessing God's
backsides,
which
implies
that God
mooned
Moses. Actually, it was an elaborate face-hiding, hand covering, back revealing moment. See Exodus 33:18-23 (Look it up. It's at the very end of the chapter. I know my Bible. Now if only I knew the Quran and could quote it to my advantage when talking
terrorists
out of
desperate
acts)
(although
I don’t think my quoting religious texts has ever had any effect on people who believe
and practice
based
on those
texts,
despite
my amazingly
brilliant
use of
logic). Back to the backsides. I love the idea of God Mooning Moses. "I will cause all my goodness to pass I front of you" Initially, this website was a novel entitled: "Ajaban: Behind God's Back".™ One day, I will take the best excerpts of this site and publish the commemorative
book filled
with pictures
of all
kinds
of back-sides.
|
 And here we have Moses before the mooning.
This image is from "The Brick Testament" image and website © by the Reverend Brendan Powell Smith that illustrates key portions of the Bible
with
Legos.
Check
it
out.
(Alas, the Reverend has not yet executed
Exodus 33 with the Lego's. We can only pray and hope that he will get around to it soon.)
|
Yes, that was the other point. In Persian culture it’s rude to have your back to someone (why just yesterday I was insulted and irritable
because
a friend
kept insisting
on walking
5 steps
ahead
of me. Apparently, he just likes to walk fast,
but I took it personally and felt he
was doing
it deliberately.
This is because I’m petty).
When you notice that your back is to someone, say you are sitting in front of
them and
have no
choice,
you acknowledge
this by
turning
to them
and saying “I’m so sorry my back is to you”, and the standard polite answer, of course, is “Gol Posht o’ Roo nadareh” which means “A flower doesn’t have a front or a back.” Which is a lovely sentiment on the beauty and presence of a whole person, all
360 degrees
of them. The dark, negative mirror image of this sentiment has also been expressed
by
the six
year old
who said “my dog is so UGLY, I had to shave his butt
and make him walk backwards”
God knows everyone’s hearts and minds, and those were the thoughts that flickered through mine as
I read
Exodus
33:23. I can’t hide it from the deity, why should I hide it from you?
These thoughts filled me with glee.
Taking the positive, flower expression: If it applied to God, with an equivalence
for face and back, Moses would have
spontaneously
combusted
anyway.
I could keep going with this blasphemy. Now this website is a target.
More Flash options: Link to an animation of the three Mullah's
singing "Amazing Grace" equivalent in Arabic with subtitles and dombak.
Focus fusion rocks!
Really, it does.
